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[Nov. 11th, 2009|10:30 pm] |
whilst showering, i noticed some patches on my thighs were there once was hair. there are 2 possibilities.
1. From the pressure of my elbows from reading on the bus.
2. Pressure from my elbows from taking 3-4 shits everyday.
either way, i have bald spots on my legs!
Vegan Thanksgiving, whats going on??? |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 18th, 2009|02:21 pm] |
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I'm not going to sleep very much this week. Though I don't mind routine, as long as there is free time, I'm almost looking forward to the experience of extreme sleep deprivation. Pots upon pots of coffee everyday. I don't want to work or go to school anymore. I want the endeavors I undertake to reciprocate more than a paycheck. Writing, playing, and creating so much more fulfilling. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 6th, 2009|03:27 pm] |
While making salsa with my dad today he informed me that my uncle's brother and his brother's wife were in a serious motorcycle last week. His wife was put on life support (what is that exactly?), and he had a concussion and some other injuries. His wife wasn't showing any signs of brain activity, so they took her off life support. She was cremated and the memorial service is Tuesday. I wasn't close with them, seeing as we only saw each other every few years at extended family functions. We weren't related. Nevertheless, it is another sign that life can change in an instant, without any warning. The thought of being a widower is frightening. I hear about this after I recently finished the book 'Love is a Mixtape,' where the author's wife dies suddenly.
After hearing about death, I always wonder if I am living a worthwhile life. I'm not the 'live for today' kind of person, but when I become too serious, I have to remember it's just life, and to not place to much importance on trivialities and assumptions.
Back to the salsa, turned out great, not too spicy, and just enough cilantro. Fresh is best without fail.
Burned my eyes a few times. Cutting peppers, like love, will sting even after you've washed your hands. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 30th, 2009|02:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
Yesterday I scavenged through some boxes of stuff that had been sitting in parent's basement for 3 years. Found some pictures, some cd's and cassettes, ribbons from swimming races, senior pictures, and a bunch of crap that was thrown away. If I had a scanner I would make a picture post, but I do not. The cd's were a good score since I lost all mine after the car accident.
I will wake up tomorrow panic stricken. Thats what the first day of school does. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 27th, 2009|08:45 pm] |
Well Health Hutt GR is officially closing down, and I reaped the benfits today. 3 trips, filled my bag full of 50% off goodies. Coconut milk for my cinnamon puffin cereal, pearl barley, tofurkey kielbasa, spaghetti sauce, pine nuts, falafel mix, flaxseed meal, and a 1 dollar chocolate bar to finish it off.
School is coming real quick. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 25th, 2009|03:17 pm] |
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I might be losing it. Many things I've used as guides in my decisions have subtly and suddenly become vain and arbitrary. Objective and empirical thought processes are instinctual for this man, and while I value toeing the line and the empathy, I remain on no one's side. A constant source of anguish is the inability to put some of myself into an expression. Not the creation as much as the feared criticism. If I allow the fear to inhibit taking a chance at my innermost dreams, I am, as William Blake said, "..breeding pestilence." Could there be a hole too deep to climb out of? I doubt it. Nevertheless, I spend a disproportionate time between hopefully dreaming and working to make them a reality. What stops me? Fear of commitment. To make one dream come true, I will have to give up more than a few. I have yet to find one that moves me more than all the rest. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 20th, 2009|04:10 pm] |
I had almost banked on getting this promotion at the library, it was mine to take. That's more or less the feeling I got from everyone involved in the decision making process. I killed the pre-interview tests, killed the interview. I was just waiting for the official word. This morning I got that call, but the words the HR guy spoke were not what I planned on. It came down to my schedule not being flexible enough. Apparently they were impressed at the interview and all that, but school got in the way. What a bummer. Dude said they could work something out at main, but they aren't hiring clerical aides right now.
Since I'm not getting a 4 dollar raise I have to come up with some other way to save for Austria. Bake sales, Illegal lottery, gambling is very likely, selling the few things of value I do have. plasma donation. ugh. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 7th, 2009|02:11 am] |
I was going to post something, because there are a million things going through my head, but I can't sort anything out right now.
Depeche mode should be sweet tomorrow. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 3rd, 2009|02:48 pm] |
Last night was my first night watching Ryan and Claire's house while they are on tour. I had the best sleep in weeks. The room is actually dark, which helped immensely. I set my alarm for 9, and it did go off, but the ringer volume was to low for me to hear it, so I woke up at 10. I considered going out to GVSU to the gym, which is my usual Monday routine, but the rain from the night influenced my decision to just do some push ups and crunches here.
Breakfast was a peanut butter and banana sandwich on some 9 grain bread, I got way full. An excess of chocolate soymilk washed it down.
I took one of those real age tests, and it revealed my 'real' age is 17, and would be younger if I flossed more frequently.
The highlights of the day have been listening to Swervedriver, and riding my bike wearing a sleeveless shirt. |
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[Aug. 1st, 2009|03:12 am] |
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Depeche Mode. 6 days and counting..... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 24th, 2009|11:31 pm] |
Vienna here I come.
I made the decision about a week ago. Next fall, I am going to study abroad in Vienna, Austria, someway, somehow. After some preliminary calculations, I need to raise between 7-9 thousand bucks on my own. Not sure how I'm going to do it, but I will. Once a month vegan bake sale? I don't have too many material possessions I could sell, let alone round up anywhere near that amount of money. Ideally, there would be a big fat medical study right when winter semester ends that would cover the entire cost, but I can't put my trust in those things.
Life feels better when I have goals set.
There are some full songs and musical bits that are being compiled into a solo acoustic EP that I've decided to put together. A tape recorder was left at my house, and the sounds are very warm and haunting. Without fail, every time I hear something I've come up with recorded, I have a whole new perspective on it. Something I can't grasp when I am playing. Some pieces have been sitting around for years, just never knew what to do with them. Though the music speaks for itself, there is pressure to put vocals to it, and that scares me half to death. I think I'm going to name it 'Interruption Prayer.' I've spent a lot of time hoping that someone would somehow enter into my life at various times and stop the boredom, despair, loneliness, and generally negative feelings that weave in and out. The truth is I can't wait for a miracle. I have everything I need to improve my life, I just have to make it happen, and stop being so passive. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 14th, 2009|02:26 pm] |
With my summer nearing it's halfway point, and taking into consideration that, as Cortnee Mitchell pointed out, friends entries are becoming less frequent and lacking substance (which if it is funny who cares), I'll do my best to write something worthwhile, and perhaps even insightful on my part, and at the very least something to scroll past.
Work has consumed a fair portion of my time, which isn't horrible because I enjoy both of my jobs, but, it is still work. This past week I logged 53 hours. Unfortunately, no overtime since it is not at single workplace. I recalled visiting the beach much more last summer, then I immediately remembered also being unemployed. Right now I could use a couple weeks of vacation to organize stuff in my room, take bike trips, listen to and make music, read, relax and throw my worries to the wind, if only for a little while. As it is, my weeks are heavily scheduled, and the free time I do have is often tainted with nagging thoughts of mundane responsibilities, future uncertainties, and how the good times need to start rolling. It's really not as bad as it sounds. In part to some female companionship, a very much needed, refreshing change, and the beginnings of a metal band. Mr. Jeff Knol and myself have been shredding on a weekly basis, providing a modicum of the creative energy release necessary to keep the endeavors in my life's tug-of-war balanced. There are other tunes, I'm not sure what genre they would be categorized, some kind of indie rock, that I have been working on and find fulfilling, even more so when there is time and people to jam on them with.
Bmon took me up to the north land, and popped my traverse city cherry. Besides TC, the surrounding are didn't feel like Michigan at all, like some sort of smaller European village. A return trip is most desirable.
Deciding whether to move again is straining my brain. Rent is cheap here, but I feel trapped on the west side. It is going to be a bitch getting to work and back in the winter. Bottom line, I am just not as happy I should be when I am here. How to be alone, but not alone....
I would've liked to bike to the coast with Casey and Jill today, but it wasn't going to happen for me. I did get to meet my parents' dog, and clean my clothes, pay Big Lots a visit, stock up on steaz, and transplant my tomato plants. The plants were doing fine until the last couple days, when I noticed some leaves yellowing, and today they didn't look good at all. Please give me at least 1 fucking tomato. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 28th, 2009|02:18 am] |
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perhaps it is time to slow down and concentrate on only a few things rather than everything. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 23rd, 2009|02:50 pm] |
Hot weather, but I don't mind. The biggest problem is changing my shirt 3 times a day.
I saw 2 great punk/hardcore bands in the past 2 days, a pleasant surprise.
Turns out big lots is the place to be.
I have no idea what new movies are coming out besides year one, but I would like to return to the Getty drive in soon. It was like 1950, which I am all about.
There is a strong desire to read more than I am, but despite these being the 'longest' days of the year, days come to an end all too quickly.
Yes. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2009|01:26 pm] |
The ability to do just about everything.
The lack of desire to do anything.
Trivialities seem to be anything but.
Is it necessary to find worth
in worthless things?
Or am I betrayed by my emotions?
Ich brauche einen Luftwechsel. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 31st, 2009|09:55 pm] |
What a long weekend. I unexpectedly made up for having Friday off by working an extra 2 hours Saturday and 4 today. I only work 2 days at Brick Road this week, and although I enjoy having time off, it inhibits my desire to save up for a guitar head, a car rental, a train ticket to Chicago in a few weeks to see Sonic Youth, and airfare to Florida plus admission to go see Depeche Mode.
So I'm going to sell my body again. 7-10 days, 1500-2000 bucks, to help folks with Lou Gehrig's disease. I'm worried that my metabolism will be to high. Anyone who wants to come with will get to ride in a fancy rental car, and I'm sure to stop and munch on some vegan eats in Chicago. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 31st, 2009|12:39 am] |
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anyone want to go to chicago/wisconsin with me next sunday and monday? |
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mentallymurderd's journal
chipper